surrealisting.

It's the last day of spring break and I'm cracking down on my homework.

I have a major Humanities paper due on Thursday. The reading material isn't too bad... I actually liked Candide (Voltaire) and Grand Inquisitor (Dostoyevsky). Topic? Compare the critique of religion in Candide vs. Grand Inquisitor. Compare, what crucial distinctions do you find? Believe it or not, this is the easy topic... the other two options? 1) Compare the social vision of GI to the of Marx. 2) Compare the use of paradox in Candide and GI. Jeeeeeeesus.

Last time I got a B+ on my paper about Hamlet and suicide.

Yeah... I have a long two nights ahead of me.

I also an orgo (organic chem) test on Thursday...

On the bright side, I finished my long ass ap calc bc homework. This is better than average for me. God bless free periods. At this point the only classes I can tolerate are Science Research (because we don't do anything anymore) and Human Evolution, or Biological Anthro (because it's easy and interesting... I mean the rest of my interesting classes are just as interesting if not interestinger but they're not not not not easy). That class makes me almost want to major in anthro... Harvard has a Human Evolution major, but I am not Harvard material DEEPSIGH. Four years, goddammit, I WILL get into a good school. Right now I really want to go to Binghamton, but my parents - ok, my MOM - refuse to even GO to the admitted students day. My DAD said that if I really want to go to Binghamton, it would be ok for him. i<3u dad. Unfortunately, my mom calls all the shots. -frustrated-

Even if, through some act of God, I pass the AP test, I'm not taking those 8 credits. Instead, I'm going to retake calc because I really want a tighter grip on the material.... and it's one less premed class I'll have to worry about.

I think I've settled on a satisfactory layout... Black Minimalism. I added my own header and a scrollbar to the body (posts). Elegant.

My shoulders are still sore from when I altar served the holy thursday mass... I was the incense person LOL... walking backwards throughout and around the church while swinging the incense high... I fail :P


I need to stop obsessing... THINKING about college because it's never productive... I'm never closer to a definitive choice but I do get really pissed off and depressed about it.

WARNING://bitchfest alert. Those with low tolerance to pathetic whining are encouraged to skip post.

As of Thursday, April 1st, I had all my college results. They had me clinging on to that vague hope that my results were all just an April Fool's joke. In fact... I still check my email obsessively, waiting for the message that will tell me that LOL they were only kidding. As everyone suffocated with joy over the fact that OMG they just TOTALLY got into their dream school, I was like D: -happy for you but ohso jealous- I'm angry and BITTER and DEEPSIGH. Ok.

Accepted:
St. Johns (Honors Program, Full Ride)
Fordham (Deans Scholarship, 30k/year)
Stony Brook (WISE prgrm, Presidential Scholarship)
Binghamton
Hunter College
NYU A&S

Waitlisted:
Barnard
Sophie Davis (this awesome 7 year medical program)
Macaulay Honors @ Hunter College (this amazing program from CUNY...)

Denied:
Cornell University
Johns Hopkins University

My top three choices were Cornell, CUNY honors, and Binghamton. 1.5/3 I guess. Well, Cornell was no surprise (but that won't stop me from trying to score a transfer), but CUNY honors kind of stung. I really wanted to go because that would have meant free college, a laptop, and all these opportunities for study abroad and internships. It's the perfect program for grad/med school bound students.

Right now, I have no idea where I want to go. I hate making major decisions. I've been weighing the pros and cons of each. I don't know who to talk to about this... I know my parents have good intentions, but I feel like I need a second opinion. The other day they insisted that all colleges are equal in academic quality. ?!?!?!




I mean, St. John's would mean free college and graduating with no debt. Then again, what's its academic quality like? Is it strong in the sciences? Are there any research opportunities? And of course... it's way too close to home. Queens. Do not want.








Stony Brook is appealing because it has everything for the pre-med student.
It's basically the SUNY "best" for premed and biology, with its science and math classes on par with top schools. It has a hospital, a lot of research opportunities (esp with brookhaven national lab so close by), and other volunteer opportunities. Cons? Only 38% of its class came were in the top 10% of high school. It's not really a selective school. Also, it has mixed reviews, with more negative than positive. Besides, the most appealing thing about it is its strength as a pre-med school. But am I so sure that I want to be a doctor?





Binghamton was my original dream school. A lot of people I know are probably going there. Along with Geneseo, it's one of the most selective and prestigious SUNYs. Out of all the schools I was accepted to, it's the closest I can get to the "traditional college experience". Cons? No merit scholarships for freshmen, and I don't know if I can get internships/volunteer opportunities as a pre-med. Also, I want to be decently close to NYC, and Bing is in the middle of nowhere.








I'm considering Fordham (Rose Hill) because they gave me scholarships worth over 4/5s of their original tuition. They seem to be a decent school, I guess. It's also in NYC without being too close.



NYU I'm not even considering because in order to attend, I would need to take out 33k in loans... per year. I refuse to start my adult life with that much debt. Otherwise, it's a dream school... maybe I'll be there in 4 years.



Well... I'm going to stop talking about colleges now before this turns into a bitchfest and I end up breaking out the vodka ice cream and deep fried oreos, drunk dialing all the colleges that rejected/waitlisted me and hysterically sobbing as I demand why they didn't find me good enough. Then they'll emphatically say, "it's us not you...", referring to "record high applicants" and "not enough seats" and "you're good, we swear"... But unlike the uninterested ex on the receiving end of unrequited love, all this is to keep from getting sued.

...Just kidding. Sorta.

Plus, I don't wanna graduate. High school was awesome and close to perfect.

And, well. When I apply to med school/grad school in four years... I am going to do so much better. Swear to god, man... everytime I'm tempted to take a short "break" from work via AIM, facebook, deviantart, male prostitute etc. I am going to look back to how my astonishing mediocrity prevented me from getting into my choice schools, and how much rejection SUCKS, and I'm'a be like -deep scary voice- never again.