surrealisting.

As a second semester senior, I've compiled a list of things I wish I knew as a freshman.

Remember, a college is only good if it's a tier one school with less than a 20% acceptance rate. Any other school, especially a state school, is useless... unless you want to be a janitor. A good way to gauge school quality is to see how many people are impressed with the name.

So, here's what you do to separate yourself from all the inferior people beneath you.


1. Make your academics so strong they can kill kittens with their bare teeth. You must have a 5.0 gpa, or a 150 average. Scientific studies reveal the striking figure that only 1 in 20 students are in the top 5% of their class. So, sabotage at least 19 other students that threaten your class rank. Take as many APs as possible, even if you hate the subject. If you must, take uppers, ritalin, and xanax in order to keep your energy, concentrate, and ward off the suicidal thoughts that will inevitably come as you devote your every waking moment to your studies.

2. Pick a passion that looks good on paper. Every aspiring college student needs to enjoy three things in their spare time: art/music, science research (or some other academic pursuit), and sports. Since you don't need any brains to be an artist, do music. Choose the most obscure instrument you can think of and stick with it until you can play like a professional. Piano and violin are useless if you are not a prodigy, so master the theremin or oboe.

If you do science research, it must be at the graduate student level. Avoid social science research or ecology experiments as they do not win INTEL. If you don't make the national finals for either INTEL or Siemens-Westinghouse, you have been wasting time with research and have no future in science.

If you do sports, you must be the captain of the team and be nationally ranked. Otherwise you're just weak.

Your passions are useless unless you win competitions with them.

3. Drop your friends. Friends don't help you get into college. They take up the time you need to practice the oboe or pipette orphan kitten snot samples at the lab.

4. Score perfectly on standardized tests. That means a 2400 on the SATs, 36 on the ACTs, 800 on all SAT subject tests, and 5 on all your APs. To achieve this, you need to take prep classes. Always go for the most expensive and exclusive classes. A good way to gauge the quality is to see how many Asians are in the program. Their parents know what's best and pressure them intensely.

To be able to afford this program, I suggest going on a hunger strike until your parents shell out the $5,000 tuition fee, or having a weekend job as a stripper.

If you are uncomfortable with that, you are not ivy material and will never succeed in life. You need to learn how to make sacrifices.

5. Be a leader. If you have no leadership positions, you are screwed. You must found/be the president of at least 2 clubs. Outside of school, found a charity relief fund and organize fundraiser events. Bonus points if you can spend your summers buiding orphanages in Africa. This is, of course, while you conduct scientific research, practice the Oboe, and self-study for APs.


6. [Recommended] Don't be Asian or White. I realize that this one may be difficult for some of you readers, so I have made it optional. Also, it helps to have legacy, especially if your family members have donated a wing, thigh, and breast to the institution of your choice.

7. Remember that these seven tips are composed of 5% truth and 95% BS.

But I think a majority of driven students have this mindset at one point during high school. I did [to a less extreme degree] when I was an underclassman.

Seriously, this is how you burn out. Yeah, to a certain extent you need the numbers and the ECs, but from my experience, most of the people I know who get into their first choice colleges do what they love and are successful as a result. Find something you're talented or interested in and stick with it with uncommon dedication and hard work.
Finally, a college's "good"-ness isn't determined by flawed rankings or prestige. The best college is your best fit, with strong academics that fit your interests. And who cares what other people think? The vast majority of Americans know squat about higher education.

TL;DR:  This student may have a decent chance. (Collegeconfidential.com)
  
In her own words: 

 I am PASSIONATE about many things. In fact, PASSION oozes out of every pore and drips to the ground wherever I walk, sprouting little patches of PASSION behind me